Blog Post: Don’t Put Yourself in Our Place

No, this is not going to be “potty humor.”  This is a very serious post about some issues that most of you don’t even have to think about - the issues that those of us with disabilities face every day.  These are important issues for employers and employees to consider, as, with a new Administration in Washington, the American's With Disabilities Act is likely to be enforced again.  As I am a person with disabilities, I will speaking of my own experience.  I know that others whom I know with disabilities have similar issues in the workplace.  Here are some of them.

1). Potty issues:  When you, an able-bodied person, use the stall which is larger and has hand rails in it when there are plenty of other stalls available, you are making it very difficult for people in wheelchairs, or even with mobility issues, like I have, due to severe hip dysplasia, to even do this simple function that you take for granted.  It is very rude to use the handicapped stall unless you are disabled.  You like a little extra room.  We need the handrails, the room, the height of the seat, and so on.

2).  Parking.  Don’t park in the handicapped zone unless you have a placard.  I don’t care if you’re tired or if there isn’t any other parking.  Those spaces are reserved for a reason.  You might have to walk a bit more. We might not be able to get the meeting or whatever at all.

3).  Reserve your judgments.  In addition to having mobility problems, I have a condition which has caused some bones to have to be removed from my left arm.  I had just had surgery, but the bandages didn’t show because I had a suit on.  My wife was carrying a box with equipment in it, and I was walking (slowly) alongside her.  Some congenital idiot went by, shot me a very dirty look, and said “YOU should be carrying that!”  I’m used to this kind of stupidity and have dealt with it all my life (most of us have), but my wife nearly killed.

I face this in criticism because my wife drives us whenever she is able, too.  I am able to drive, but it is far from comfortable, although I just bought a great car that has made it more so.  But if we’re together, Nicole drives.  We’re both tired of comments about our relationship because I’m not driving.

You don’t know the situations people are in.  This goes for why two people are married, disability situations, age differences in relationships, how kids are, and so on.  The best thing for people to do is shut up and keep their judgments to themselves.  This is especially important in the workplace, where you may not know what challenges a co-worker is facing....and it really isn't any of your business unless they choose to share.  Most of us don't like to publicly talk about our disabilities, and shouldn't need to.

4).  Help if asked.  I know that people think they’re being nice when they rush to help someone who is a bit disabled, or try to “take stuff off of them.”  The fact is that most of us can take care of ourselves and, while we appreciate your concern, we actually are able to do most things the able-bodied can do.  But do pitch in and help if asked.  Let the onus be on us, though to ask for help, other than for obvious things like holding the door or an elevator.

5).  Talk to us, not our companions.  When I had to have my foot rebuilt and was in a wheelchair, I was shocked by the number of people who would ask my wife what I wanted.  We got into a routine where she spoke gibberish to me, and I spoke gibberish back…and then she said, “Gee, I don’t know…ask him.”  We’re perfectly capable of answering for ourselves, thank you.  It is plain ignorant to ask someone’s companion what that someone wants when the someone is right there.  Don’t.

6).  Don’t shove ahead of us.  I am really tired of people who almost shove me aside because I move slowly.  Go around someone only if there is sufficient room to do so politely or wait until there is.  And stop making huffing and sighing sounds behind someone in a chair or who is moving slowly.  You will survive getting wherever you’re going one minute later because you were somewhat polite!

7).  If you have a business, provide your materials for the disabled and visually impaired.  I have a hard time seeing in low light and need larger print.  Many people do.  Few businesses are cognizant of the needs for the visually impaired to live, too.  A note for other mildly visually impaired folks.  The Amazon Kindle has adjustable type size, which really helps someone with my impairments.

Keep in mind that you, one day, might also face these issues.  While I wouldn’t wish disability on anyone, some very rude people probably deserve the Karma of having to experience these issues themselves.  Learn to be conscious of people managing disabilities.  Be thankful that you don’t have to.  Those of us who do so don’t get a choice.

John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC, is an executive coach and transition coach in Cherry Creek, CO.  He welcomes your emails at jheckers@heckersdevgroup.com.  Read John’s other blogs at http://employmentskills.blogspot.com and http://executiveexpert.blogspot.com.