Blog Post: Networking: Are You The Jerk At The Party?

A few weeks ago I attended a nice networking event. The group that hosted the luncheon  provided sub sandwiches, chips and drinks. They did a presentation on their product and did not try to do a hard sell – you could sign up if you wanted – no pressure if you did not want to. Part of the networking included 40-second commercials plus passing and exchanging cards with everyone.

Within three days, I received three email newsletters. I had not spoken with any of the people that sent the emails unless you count listening to their 40-second elevator pitches as a two-way conversation. Two of the emails advertised products, services and webinars. The third email was a first: it included a canned video presentation saying “what a pleasure it was to meet you yesterday” – not my name – just “you” which I assume meant all 25 people whose cards this person had collected  plus everyone she’d met at any recent event she'd attended. She included a bio of herself and her photography business. There were no questions about me or my business. I unsubscribed and received a phone message asking if I had accidentally opted out when I didn’t recognize that we had been at the same event. Uh, no, I did it on purpose – but I didn’t tell her that.

Personal networking and social networking are no different. Whether you are looking for a job, selling a product or service, listening, asking questions about others makes them feel important and they in turn may be willing to help you. If you go to a event and are telling everyone you meet what a great marketing manager, project manager, business development professional you are or have the best product and everyone should buy it, chances are you are turning people off.

Same with social media. Whether you are on a social network including Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or are blogging, you want to engage others and give people a reason to follow, "friend" or connect with you. You can do that by posting "expert" helpful information, commenting on other people's posts, "retweeting" or sharing their Twitter posts. Ocassionally you can talk about your job search or product and ask others for help as well. You just don't want to over do it. 

When networking in person, ask how you can help others and listen while looking directly at them, and not at the person you want to speak to next. Don't send your resume to people you’ve met at events and tell them all about your great abilities and successes without having a conversation. Your email will probably be deleted. Nobody cares about you, your product or service. Haven’t you met this jerk at the party before?

According to Wikipedia: “Social media has become extremely popular because it allows people to connect in the online world to form relationships for personal, political and business use.” Relationships? Yes. Compare it to dating and marriage. You don’t get married the first time you meet someone (although my parents did 90 days after they met and were married until they passed), you date, get to know each other, then decide to get married – maybe eventually.

So, the next time you are networking online or in person, remember it’s never about you. It’s about how you can help others, be nice, and be social.